I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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