me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
