I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
