im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
