He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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