If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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