her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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