Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
