I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I love having hate sex.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
