Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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