"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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