I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
