This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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