I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dear god my vagina.
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