He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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