reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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