You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
