she was so not down for the gang bang
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
