The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
