I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
