PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
