I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
