the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
