No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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