the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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