i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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