wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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