Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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