the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
