"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
