true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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