just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
