you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize