You smell like a Billy Joel song
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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