brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
