the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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