I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize