Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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