u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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