I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
