Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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