Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
