everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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