he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
