I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
