When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize