I puked a lego.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
