I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
