if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
