yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
