You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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