Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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