You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
