The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My dick has a subreddit
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
