dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
