What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
