I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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