She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
