So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
