i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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