So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
