sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
