I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
