my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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