I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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