I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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