You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
