I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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