so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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