some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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