I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
