Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
