Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
