i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
