If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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