Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
