I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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