I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
