Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
