Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
