erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
smell my finger.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
