I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
