went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
