You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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