I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
