toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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