after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
