I bet he comes in French.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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