i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
