Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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