Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize