I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
