There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
