The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
