there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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