just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
