I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
