my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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