did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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