she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
