I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
