I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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