worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
