And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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