So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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