She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
