He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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