Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
