Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
