are you still at the devil's house?
if you like me you must not know who I am
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
