you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
