dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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